Sexual Exploration of Your Own Asshole

Much like the fact that you need to play with your own cunt to understand how and why it works the way it does, you likewise need to get to know your tight little back door. Probably the best way to do this is to include it in your masturbation routine, which means you’re gonna have to… touch it.

For many women, getting to the point where they’re comfortable playing with their butts is a bit of a challenge. The asshole is perhaps the only place on the human body that everyone is taught growing up is dirty, disgusting, and shouldn’t be played with. Now, to be fair, this is where you poop from, right? Your parents spent a great deal of time for the first few years of your life cleaning that area up after you’ve had an accident in your diapers. There’s no mistaking the disgusting nature of a dirty diaper. The stuff stinks, be it solid, liquid, or gas. The waste can even cause diseases and pestilence. There are special rooms, special places where we go to release these wastes. While it’s generally perfectly acceptable for someone to drop trou and take a piss behind a building or a tree in an emergency, exposing the anus and taking a dump is met with a different set of reactions. So it’s no surprise that we grow up fearing our back doors.

All of this is tempered, however, with the fact that anal stimulation feels good. Touching and playing with it feels great. The relief one feels after having taken a dump feels great. The inherent dichotomy is pretty intense when you think about it. These conflicting thoughts and experiences argue with one another in our heads as we grow up. The overwhelming majority of people just kind of keep those thoughts in the back of their minds, deep down in place they don’t talk about at parties, afraid to admit to anyone, including themselves, that they have some infatuation with their own buttholes.

At some point we become aware that anal sex is a thing. Most see it in porn, hear a reference to it on TV or from their friends, or maybe a sex partner brings it up. Some are lucky enough to have a sex education class that might mention it a time or two. While some manage to overcome those psychological impediments to letting go of their anal inhibitions rather quickly, most have a really though time with it. This is why I believe it is absolutely necessary for you to openly explore your own asshole.

You Must Explore Your Own Asshole

I make the point in courses/classes on masturbation that it is very important for a woman to explore her own cunt, to understand how it feels when it’s played with, what it looks like, and how it reacts to sexual arousal. These are necessary because we must understand our own bodies in order for sex to feel as good as it can for us. It is my assertion that the same is true with your anus as well. If you know how it feels when you play with it, how it reacts when you insert something into it, and how the muscles that make it work interact with the muscles that give you your orgasm, you’re more likely to try and enjoy butt play. And being totally real here, anal sex and anal play can be a force multiplier when it comes to orgasmic ecstasy if you let it. But if you continue to shun your backside, continue to see it as inherently dirty and disgusting, continue to see it as an “off limits” area, you will sequester that particular avenue of sexual exploration. In my opinion, that is an anathema for a slut (or any sexual human being, really); it lessens your sexual experience.

A lot of women who come to embrace anal play actually go on to become what I refer to as anally-centered. By that, I mean that they have a tremendous fondness or even a preference for being penetrated anally over vaginally. For the anal noobie, this notion probably seems like it couldn’t possibly be true. Those of you who are very comfortable with anal, though, know what I mean. If given the choice, I will almost always pick being penetrated in the ass before I take it in my cunt.

It has the potential to become overwhelming, in fact, to have someone fuck you in the ass with a cock. It will be intense, not “painfully” intense if you prep for it, but it will make your entire pelvic area and abdomen feel full, stimulated, erotic. You might somehow feel this is not the “right” thing to be doing, but the vibes being sent through your body will cause your brain to process things in a way it perhaps shouldn’t and tell you that you love this. As the speed of the thrusts builds and you go back and forth between feeling filled to the brim followed immediately by this sense of longing, this sense of emptiness and loss in your back end, only to have the fullness return and the cycle repeated, the physiological tenseness will build. It will feel dirty, kinky, primal. Your vagina and clitoris will react accordingly. When that orgasm builds and explodes forth, your asshole will seize whatever’s in it and use it as a fulcrum to magnify the muscular contortions taking place. The orgasm will be intense. If you learn to do it the right way from the outset, I can almost promise you it will become one of your favorite skills in your sexual repertoire.

It’s Just Poop

The single biggest impediment for most people when it comes to anal play, of course, is the potential for getting feces on your body parts or toys. And quite honestly, that is always a possibility. There’s no getting around that. You can use enemas to clean out your rectum and lower colon, but even then, there’s no guarantee. Any time you engage in butt play, you will run the risk of getting brown stuff on something.

But here’s the thing: It’s just poop. It washes off. It might not look or smell pleasant, true. But it’s not acidic and it won’t eat your skin off (unless you’ve been eating something you shouldn’t have been!). Getting a bit of it on something isn’t going to end life as we know it. Try to avoid it, sure. Have something handy to clean up or clean off, if it makes you feel more safe and comfortable. Use condoms to protect anything you don’t want getting poop on. But just like any other bodily fluid/substance, it’s just a natural part of the human experience.

You need to take this into your regular anal play with partners as well. While there’s usually not anything in the rectum when you don’t feel as though you have to go to the bathroom, things get dislodged, things go deeper than planned, and the digestive system sometimes doesn’t cooperate as much as we might like. So there’s a chance you may end up having something that comes out of your back end with a bit of shit on it, or maybe even covered in it. Just laugh it off, clean it up, and get on with business. It’s certainly not worth wasting time being grossed out or self-conscious about. If it happens a lot, you might consider attempting to modify your diet, or perhaps using enemas to clean your stuff out before you get down to business. But just recognize that things happen, be mature in how you deal with it, and get on with your life.

How to Do It

Playing with your own ass is pretty straightforward, really. There is one thing you need to examine before you get started, however: Make sure your fingernails are trimmed and you don’t have any sharp edges on them. Those will cut the delicate skin around your anus and in your rectum, and as we discussed in the module on health and safety, this can create some problems.

Start off by playing while you’re in the shower. You probably even do some of this now, though you’ve never really given it much thought. Clean your asshole. Soap it up and wash it, then rinse it off. Soap up a finger, stick it an inch or two into your asshole, and then rinse your finger off and stick it back in to get the soap out. Only this time while you’re doing it, rather than just focusing on the mechanics of the actions, think about how good it feels. And it does feel pretty cool, right? If you happen to get a bit of stuff on your finger (which is highly unlikely just inserting it an inch or two), then you’re in the shower and can wash it off very quickly. No harm, no foul.

From there, take it to the next step. While you’re masturbating, include touching your anus, pressing on it, rubbing circles around it, and even penetrating it as you massage your clit or penetrate your vagina with your other fingers or a toy. Put a little bit of lube on your finger and push it in (you can use spit in this case); you only need to do it far enough to allow the muscle there to feel it. And then you get as rough as you want with it. (Note: Avoid using heating or desensitizing lubes for this – you want to know if something starts hurting). If you masturbate your cunt while you’re playing with your asshole, you will tie the horniness together with butt play – sort of an associative kind of thing, if you will. One popular way to do it is to lie face down, rest your clit on a vibrator, and finger-fuck your asshole simultaneously.

The next step is to watch yourself play with your dirty hole. Just as I encouraged you to get a mirror and look at your pussy while you’re doing yourself, you should likewise use a mirror to watch yourself play with your asshole. That may be a bit tougher logistically, but if you lie on your back with your head resting on a couple of pillows in front of a mirror on or near the floor (or the edge of the bed) and pull your legs back toward your head, you should be able to get a good view of it. If you’re going to be allowing men or women to play with you back there, you need to know what they’re going to see, right? Look at it as closely as you can. Squeeze it and relax it while you’re at it. Play with it while you watch.

I involved my asshole in masturbating pretty much from my first nascent attempts at making myself feel good, and haven’t stopped since. You can lube up a finger and stick it in, and as you progress, if you want, you can lube up a second one and stick two in. If you want to get really wild, go for a third one. There truly is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it – just play with it in whatever way feels good to you. It will take you some time to get there, but patience is the name of the game when it comes to exploring butt play.

As you become accustomed to playing with it, adjust your positions to mimic how you think you might like to be penetrated by someone. Perhaps the most common of these is in a doggy position, or what’s called the FDAU (face down, ass up) position. While you’re in that position, fantasize about having someone either perform oral sex on your anus or penetrating you with a cock (live or perhaps a dildo attached to a harness). Masturbate yourself while you’re finger-fucking that tight little hole.

My next couple of recommendations are probably going to generate a bit of a “Huh?” with you. First, you should smell your fingers when you’re done playing with yourself. This allows you to understand what your back end is going to smell like to other people who might be going down on you back there or spreading your ass cheeks before they penetrate you. The anal area has a naturally musky scent, one that many people find incredibly arousing. It will smell differently right after a shower vs. after a long day at work or school. Give it the sniff test at various times of the day so you’ll understand how this varies from time to time (and let’s be honest, most of you secretly do this anyway).

The second recommendation is to taste your fingers after you’re done rubbing and playing with your anal area. OMG, Why? At some point, you’re going to have someone go down and perform oral sex on your asshole. It’s becoming a more popular thing to do (and can be extremely erotic in and of itself), and you need to know what your potential rimming partners are going to taste. And when you kiss them afterward, you’re likely to taste yourself on their lips/tongue, so you, too, need to know that you don’t have to push a kissing partner away when s/he comes from down there. When it’s clean, it really tastes just like any other skin surface does (a hint of saltiness at most). After a long day at work/school, it may taste a bit different (and will vary, based on a variety of factors).

You’ll also want to taste your finger after it’s come out of your anus. Again, I realize this seems like some really weird shit (no pun intended). Ass to mouth (ATM) oral sex is also becoming more and more mainstream these days, however, and this will give you an idea of what a cock or toy that’s been in your ass will taste like (more on rimming and ATM in later modules, by the way). It will likely taste a bit salty as well, with maybe just a hint of bitter in it. If you’ve used lube, you will taste some of that in it as well. Lest you worry, recall from the health and safety module that getting fecal matter in your mouth is not harmful.

When you’re done with your masturbation sessions, don’t forget to wash those little fingers off, by the way.

Then you might wish to move on to some toys designed specifically for anal play, namely butt plugs. In the next module I’ll explain the differences among the various types of butt plugs and how to go about picking the right one(s) for you. Butt plugs allow you to practice stretching your anus. This not only teaches it how to stretch to accommodate something wanting to enter it, but it also teaches you to understand what the stimulation and physical sensations are when penetration is made and sustained. And though many people use butt plugs solely for masturbation, it is quite common for people to keep them in for long periods of time, even going out in public with them in place.

Take Care of Your Asshole

Another key to enjoying anal play is taking care of that tight little hole. Aside from keeping clean, you’ll want to make sure to not abuse it. Don’t get too vigorous with the wiping, don’t overly strain when you’re trying to go to the bathroom, and don’t ignore any signs of problems you might experience back there. You’ll want to keep in touch with how it feels and how it looks. If you experience any issues with it (itching, burning, painfulness, hemorrhoids, etc.), avoid playing with it until things heal up.

You’ll also want to consider the optics of your asshole and the crack of your ass. Generally speaking, if you keep your pubic area shaved or waxed, you’ll also want to do the same with your ass crack and around your butthole. If your partner is 69ing you, s/he’s not going to want to see little flecks of feces hanging off your ass hairs (keep in mind that a hairless back end is actually much easier to keep clean to begin with). And unless you’re blessed by some rare genetics, you will have hairs around your anus. They might be light, but they are there. Before you get busy with someone else, be sure to wipe it really good (preferably with a soapy cloth or a wet wipe). Double check in a mirror to ensure you don’t have any bits of toilet paper back there, then get on with things.

Treat It With Respect

Don’t treat your asshole as a second-class orifice. It’s not the “wrong hole,” nor is it “exit only.” It’s your anus, asshole, or butthole. Anal sex and anal play is just as natural as any other sex act. People have been doing it since the dawn of recorded history. They will be doing it long after you and I are gone from the planet. There’s nothing wrong with anal, and there’s nothing wrong with discussing anal when the subject of sex and sexuality come up. Take it seriously, and take the care of your anus and rectum seriously. Treat it as well as you do your pretty little cunt, and it will reward you greatly.

Perhaps the most important reason to explore this way is that it lets you go at your own pace and discover that anal penetration can indeed feel great. You can stop if there is something wrong or you move a certain way that doesn’t feel good. And when it comes time to begin exploring anal penetration with a partner, you know that it can feel good. That way, if what you’re doing doesn’t work for the two of you, you can reassure yourself that there’s just something about this particular experience that isn’t working rather than assuming that all anal is going to be painful.

If You Just Can’t Get There

Finally, despite all your efforts to become comfortable with the idea of anal play, you may just not be able to get there. Some people can’t get over the poop factor, or for whatever reason can’t get comfortable with something in their butts. If you give it a good faith effort and it just won’t work for you, don’t force it. I do believe it is one of those things you owe to yourself to try, not for any current or future partner necessarily, but because I know how good it can feel when it’s done the right way. But unlike vaginal sex, anal is one of those things that’s a “nice to have” rather than a requirement for anyone. If you come to the conclusion that you don’t like it and don’t want to do it, then your future partners must respect and honor that.

So now that you and your ass have gotten to know each other on a first name basis, let’s move on to talking about some toys you can use to amp things up a bit.

Assignment

Go back through this module and try the things I’ve described specifically with the desire to learn about your anus and how it feels when you’re playing with it. Integrate it into your masturbation routine and see if you can use it to increase the intensity of your orgasms.